Friends First
by bodiechan
Summary: Tomoyo tries to figure out whose happiness is more important to her: Sakura's... or her own.


"_Yu-ki-to-san!"_

When Sakura Kinomoto was your best friend, these were probably the words you would hear most often, at least coming from Sakura's lips, that is. Every day it was something different, but every day it was somewhat the same.

"Yukito-san said the nicest thing to me on the way to school today!"

"Oniichan and Yukito-san were studying up in Oniichan's room last night, and Yukito-san gave me a piece of candy when I stopped in!"

"Guess what, Tomoyo-chan? I ran into Yukito-san this morning in Twin Bells and he said I looked really pretty!"

And when Sakura Kinomoto was your best friend, you were expected to smile and say something encouraging, about how great Sakura and Yukito's relationship was and how much you hoped they got together as a couple once and for all. You were expected, in short, not to secretly wish Sakura could be yours, no matter how cute she happened to be. You were not supposed to obsessively film her every moment, to keep her eraser as a treasured possession, to mouth off Yukito Tsukishiro in your head every time he came near…

All you were supposed to want was for Sakura to be happy. And if that meant her fantasizing over Yukito and not even noticing you exist romantically speaking, then that's what you're supposed to encourage. Right? Right. For if Sakura was truly happy, then her best friend would be as well.

Well, for the longest time, knowing that Sakura was happy was enough for Tomoyo Daidouji. She encouraged Sakura to go after Yukito, and even egged on Syaoran Li when she suspected he had a crush on Sakura. Syaoran denied it at the time, but Tomoyo was knowledgeable about these kind of things. From the start, she'd noticed that Syaoran liked Sakura, that Rika liked Terada-sensei, that Sakura liked Yukito…

And that was what really bothered her. After all this time, after all they'd been through, Tomoyo caught not even a hint of romantic feelings from Sakura, at least not ones directed towards her best friend. After some time, knowing Sakura was happy wasn't enough. It was nice to know, yes, and of course Tomoyo never could have been happy if Sakura wasn't happy too. But Tomoyo also wanted something more. She wanted Sakura to be happy… and hers.

Was it wrong to want such a thing? Tomoyo knew she shouldn't covet someone's love, especially if that someone loved someone else. It was obvious from the start how irritated Syaoran was whenever Meiling declared her love, or whenever she told everyone in range that she and Syaoran were to be married. But Tomoyo wasn't Meiling, and unlike Meiling, she wasn't being loud and aggressive towards Sakura at all… in fact, she was the exact opposite, seemingly pushing Sakura in the opposite direction. These kind of relationships never worked out. Sakura had a crush on Yukito, and in the future, perceptive Tomoyo saw Syaoran leaving Meiling for Sakura as he confessed his true feelings. Tomoyo felt Syaoran's initial love for Yukito fade at the same time as she saw Meiling notice Syaoran's lack of interest for the first time. All signs pointed at Sakura and Syaoran in the future. The only remaining factor was… well, Sakura…

And what could Tomoyo do? She knew she could easily spread lies about Syaoran's true feelings, easily announce to everyone in earshot that she'd heard him calling Sakura a stupid, ugly, naïve weakling, thus making Sakura despise him in an instant. But she could never really do it. It would break Syaoran's heart, and plus, it was just downright mean. Tomoyo wasn't good with mean. So her only choice was to encourage Sakura to get together with Syaoran. What could she do?

It would crush Tomoyo's hopes and dreams, but at least, in the long run, it would make Sakura happy. And that was what was truly important… right?

"Tomoyo-chan?"

"Hoe?!" Tomoyo's head jerked wildly around to see her mother, Sonomi Daidouji, standing outside the doorway to her room. "Oh, it's you, Mother. I… I didn't hear you come in."

"I'm sorry," Sonomi said gently. "I should have knocked first." She paused. "I just came up here to make sure you were okay. What are you doing? It's really quiet up here."

Tomoyo cracked a smile. Sonomi was referring to the lack of noise from one of Sakura's adventures on film, which Tomoyo had taken to watching over and over during the course of the past few weeks. "Oh, yeah, I'm not watching one of my videos. I was just… thinking."

Sonomi nodded knowingly. "I'll leave you to your thinking then, all right?"

But when she was halfway out the door, Tomoyo stopped her. "M-Mother?" The abruptness of this surprised Sonomi, and even surprised Tomoyo herself in a way. But she knew that she couldn't sit mourning up here like this forever.

"Yes, Tomoyo-chan?"

Tomoyo looked up into her mother's eyes. "D-did you l-love… S-Sakura-chan's mother?"

Sonomi looked a little taken aback by the question. "Tomoyo, you know I love—loved—your father more than anyone…"

"I know," Tomoyo persisted. "But before you met him. Did you love her?" She knew this was a little bit rude and very nosy, but Tomoyo needed the answer like she'd needed nothing before. Somehow her mother's answer would be able to determine her entire relationship with Sakura in the future, and in turn, her entire life's course. She was afraid of what she would hear, but there was no use hiding from the truth.

Sonomi looked uncomfortable. "Nadeshiko was like a sister to me, Tomoyo-chan. I've told you that before."

"No, Mother. That's not what I meant." Tomoyo shook her head. "Did you LOVE her?" she asked plainly.

And suddenly Sonomi knew she could avoid the answer no longer. She took a deep breath and said, "Yes, Tomoyo-chan. I did."

"B-but… when she married Sakura-chan's father… weren't you devastated?" asked Tomoyo quietly. She already knew what the answer would be, but somehow it felt more real, hearing it now.

Sonomi nodded. "I'd rather liked Kinomoto-san before he met Nadeshiko, but after they fell in love, I hated him for it. In fact, I still do. I can't forgive him for letting her die. You know that. At her wedding, I was the bridesmaid, but I couldn't help wishing I was a bride…"

And here came the important part, what Tomoyo had been waiting to ask all night. "Then why didn't you try to stop it?"

"Hoe?"

"Why didn't you try to convince her not to marry Sakura-chan's father? Why didn't you sabotage the wedding?"

Sonomi smiled sadly at her daughter. "Because being with Kinomoto-san made Nadeshiko happy. As soon as she told me she was engaged, I was furious of course, but I knew from that moment onwards that she loved him. I couldn't talk her out of it. She would be miserable all her life if she didn't spend it with him."

So her mother had a sixth sense about love too, just like Tomoyo did. Tomoyo now knew where she'd inherited it from. But she was concerned. Something about what Sonomi had said was disturbing to her. "But what about your own happiness, Mother?"

Sonomi sighed. "Sometimes, Tomoyo-chan, when you truly love someone, their happiness is more important than your own."

"Y-yes, Mother." That was it. It was all clear to her now. Her mother hadn't even tried to pretend that making Nadeshiko happy had made Sonomi happy as well, but she did love her. So Sonomi had to set her free.

"Did that answer your question, Tomoyo-chan?" asked Sonomi kindly.

Tomoyo paused, and after a moment's contemplation, nodded. "Yes. Thank you, Mother."

"Goodnight, Tomoyo-chan." With a smile, Sonomi closed the door behind her.

Tomoyo sat stationary for a moment. That was it. Her whole relationship, her whole life, gone down the drain. It just couldn't be that simple, and yet she knew deep down that it was. Finally she crawled over to the window and stared out at the stars. "'Their happiness is more important than your own,'" Tomoyo whispered, as the cool night breeze gently blew past her face. And in that instant, she knew what she had to do. "Tomorrow I'll tell Sakura-chan to ask Li-kun out," she contemplated, "and if she says no, I'll tell her she can ask Yukito-san instead…" She sighed. But it had to be done.

Because when Sakura Kinomoto was your best friend, Sakura's happiness was the most important thing in the world, even when it meant she couldn't make you happy in return.


End file.
